Final COA

The night before the campers were going to arrive, as we were setting up our cabins, we were told to put on flip-flops and head to the chapel. I walked over there with my friends expecting just another informational talk, but when I looked into the dark, eerie, moonlit chapel, I knew that they had something different in store for us…

            Ever since I was nine years old, I have gone to an Orthodox Christian summer camp called Camp St. Raphael. It is a weeklong, overnight camp in Wagoner, Oklahoma, about an hour away from Tulsa. I always know I’m almost to camp when we hit the dangerously narrow, windy, dirt road that makes me feel like I’m going to die. After, by the grace of God, we get past that final turn, we immediately see a huge sign that says “WELCOME TO CAMP TAKATOKA” (the camp grounds that we rent). The staff anxiously awaits our arrival, cheering, laughing, and waving. Immediately when I walk off the bus, I am completely overwhelmed with joy. I see the beautiful glistening lake, the big, piney trees, the excitement in everyone’s eyes, and, most importantly, I get to see all of my friends, some of whom I haven’t gotten to see since last summer at camp!

Ever since the very first time I went to camp, it has undoubtedly been my favorite place on earth. When I was younger, it was just a chance to get out of town, play sports, have fun, make new friends, and, mostly, be away from my parents. One thing I loved about camp was I felt completely normal there—all of the kids were raised similarly to me, with a “strange” faith and “weird” parents, most of whom were very strict, Middle Eastern parents like mine. Although I loved camp and enjoyed every second of my time there, I never really cared much for the educational facet. At that age I did not enjoy our Christian education classes, going to church every morning and evening, or even thinking about anything serious. Once I hit my junior year (late, I know), however, things began to change for me.

            I began finding interest in learning about the faith that I had always said I “believed.” I started listening and paying attention to the words of the services and literally fell in love with being in that hot, bug-infested, crumbling camp chapel. I began building relationships with people in ways that I never had before. They were not only based on fun, as before, but now I looked to my friends as people to grow with and learn from, never forgetting to let loose and have fun, of course. The biggest thing I gained from going to camp, I think, would be meeting such great role models. As my interest in the faith grew, I began seeking advice from my counselors, not only learning from what they said, but also by watching how they lived their lives. Many of my counselors from camp are still “counselors” in my life right now. Kouri, my counselor from my junior year of high school, is still one of my most influential role models. Ever since I came home from camp the summer I met her, I said, “When I grow up I want to be just like Kouri,” and I still say that today. Probably the biggest role model that I had through camp, though, was Fr. James, our camp priest.

            Fr. James is the kindest, funniest, most loving and caring man I have ever known. He may be small in size and young in age, but he is abundant in wisdom. His smile stretches from ear to ear and is infectious to all who ever meet him. Fr. James began at my church as the youth director eleven years ago, so I have known him a long time. We started out having a very surface-level relationship—he was really fun and funny and I was just an immature kid who only cared about fun. As I began going to his Bible study when I was older, though, I started to realize just how great of a teacher he is. Fr. James can take the most difficult passages from the scripture and not only make them perfectly clear to us, but he also helps us apply them to our lives. The best thing about Fr. James, though, is that he doesn’t just preach the word, he truly lives it. He is always there for anyone, no matter what they need, he is a great listener, teacher, and, most importantly, a great friend. He never forces faith on anyone, but constantly makes people want to further their faith, just by watching how he lives. He is honestly the most loving, faithful, and humble man I know and his impact on my life has been unbelievable.

This may all seem irrelevant to my “coming of age” moment, but don’t worry, I’ll get there. The summer after I graduated high school, I applied to be a counselor at Camp St. Raphael and got accepted. I was so excited to get the opportunity to come back to camp again and do something different this time. Camp St. Raphael had given me so much and it only seemed fair for me to give that same experience to other kids. When I thought about being a counselor, however, I only really thought of the “fun” parts—teaching Christian Ed (fun for nerds like myself), hanging out with the kids, getting to know the rest of the staff, and just getting to be goofy, while it is totally acceptable. It practically slipped my mind the importance that the role of a counselor can be until I went to staff training.

I followed the returning staff members into the dark chapel, lit by only the light from the moon and stars, seen through the panel windows at the front. We all silently sat on the two long black benches, facing each other, with an aisle in the middle. Everyone entered reverently and silently sat, praying, so I just followed along. As I sat there, I wondered what could be going on- I am not very good with surprises so it was a struggle for me just to sit there. I tried to pray and think but thoughts of anxiety and confusion kept interrupting. A few minutes later, Father James walked out form behind the altar and told us that he was going to wash our feet with holy water just as Jesus did to his disciples to make us clean and prepare us to make a clear path for our campers.

At first, this thought was very weird to me. I was confused and more nervous for the process than anything else; I was the last one on the last bench, though, so I had time to watch and learn. As I watched, I saw Father James get on his knees, pour holy water on the people’s bare feet, and then proceed to kiss their feet. For each person whom he cleansed, their reaction was different—some people seemed indifferent while others’ reactions were more deeply felt and emotional. Once I watched Fr. James do this a few times and the process finally sunk in, it hit me. This was a huge deal- a “pivotal moment,” so to speak.

Fr. James was washing our feet just as Jesus washed the feet of His disciples at the last supper, before His crucifixion. Jesus did this, not only because their feet were dirty from their journey to the last supper, but also, more importantly, to cleanse them of all their past iniquity and make them clean so they could make clear the path to salvation for all Christ’s followers. In the gospel of John, Jesus says, "You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am.  If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.  For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.  Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. " When Jesus did this, it was an act of pure humility and, although it is on a much smaller scale, that is how I felt when Fr. James cleansed our feet.

Fr. James, the most influential man in my whole life, was on his knees cleansing and kissing our feet….if anything, I should be on the floor kissing HIS feet. He did this out of pure humility and all I could think was how unworthy I was of this cleansing. I did not deserve to have my feet cleansed—and by Fr. James, of all people. Besides the fact that this experience furthered my respect and admiration for Fr. James, it also really marked a change in my life.

By him cleansing me from my past and making me clean to make clear the path for my campers, I had a big responsibility. I had to be a great role model for my campers, just as my counselors still are for me. The turning point for me, however, was that I was, at that moment, transitioning from a camper to counselor…sounds silly, I know, but it really did mean a lot. That was the moment when I realized that I was no longer just the camper who was always asking advice and looking up to people—I had to become the role model, the person people look up to and who gives advice. This realization scared me a lot. I had never really been a “bad” role model, but I never really thought of myself as a role model. I kept thinking about how inspired I was by Kouri when she was my counselor and how much I look up to her and then I realized that, if done right, I could be that for someone else.

As my turn to get my feet cleansed approached, I began getting more anxious. I was overwhelmed with emotions and could not keep my mind from going in so many directions. When Fr. James finally got to me, the last person, I silently began to cry. I was overwhelmed with feelings of unworthiness and fear. I was unworthy of the gift I was receiving and I was especially unworthy of receiving it from Fr. James. I was also overcome with fear- what if I wasn’t a good role model for my campers? What if I lead them astray or give them poor advice? One of my biggest fears is to turn someone away from the faith and that was becoming more and more possible the more people looked up to me. After Fr. James got up from the ground, he gave me an avuncular kiss on the forehead and walked back behind the altar.

When the service was finally done, we all sat in the mysterious chapel, silently, until that first brave person stood up to leave. We all followed by standing, but, rather than leaving immediately, we stood in the church and began to sing hymns of praises to the Lord for this gift that he had just given us. Once Fr. James came out from behind the altar, we all left the church together in silence and walked back to our cabins. Nothing needed to be said; the silence spoke loud enough for all to hear.

For the next hour, I could not stop thinking. As I reflected upon what had just happened, I came to the realization that this service just reiterated for me the importance of living my life like Christ, humbly and lovingly, and that I am a living icon of the Lord. In me, people should see Him and I should see Him in everyone.

This service was a very critical point in my life where I experienced a role change. It was definitely a “coming of age” in the sense that I was no longer just the kid who only admired people, got inspired, and constantly asked questions- I had to become the person that people look up to, the person that inspires, and the person that people feel confident asking advice from. One thing that that I have learned through this process, however, is that just because I have been thrust into the role of “the role model,” that does not by any means mean that I am no longer seeking inspiration and asking questions. Actually, being in this position has even furthered my questioning. I now always look for inspiration in everyone and ask questions, in order to further my knowledge and better myself for others. This “coming of age” moment was just the start of what has become a constant state of striving to improve myself in knowledge, love, passion, and humility.

 

Final Paper- Introduction

If I were to classify myself as any type of writer I would say I am a passionate writer. I am not an extremely skilled writer—I have a limited vocabulary and I am not very good at using vivid images to capture the reader—but I absolutely love writing about things I am passionate about. I think that is why I loved this class so much. I am not typically comfortable sharing how I feel about things verbally, so getting to write it all out instead of having to talk about it was perfect for me. Writing is a way for me to be heard, so I love writing about things that I think people should know about—things that I love and I want everyone else to love, too.

Through being in this class, I feel as though my writing has improved tremendously. I am by no means “an English person,” but I do feel a lot more comfortable writing, both creatively about things that I love and about things that I am required to write about. I have never been in a class that requires me to be a creative writer so, although it was difficult at first, I have really come to like it. I have learned to be an honest writer and speak passionately about how I truly feel.

When given the chance to write about six topics in my life that were meaningful to me, through our coming-of-age sketches, I really had to step back and take a look at my life. These sketches caused me to reflect on where I have come from, how I’ve grown, and what I find important. Reflection is not something that I do nearly enough, but it is something that, through this class, has helped me grow a lot this semester. 

In my coming-of-age sketches, I got to discuss topics that I really loved—I honestly could have written forever about them. I decided to write about things that would give the readers a sense of who I truly am, so I chose things that are really important to me and have impacted my life not only at the time when the events happened, but still today.

These sketches were actually really fun for me to write. I would tell my parents about them on the phone as part of normal conversations because I was so excited to write them. When I got to write about Easter being my favorite holiday, I called one of my friends from church and started bouncing ideas off of her to try and put that amazing experience into words. When I decided to write about My Big Fat Greek Wedding, although I know the movie like the back of my hand, I made my family watch it with me when I was home so we could mock how scarily similar it is to our lives.

Writing these stories really helped me put my life into perspective. When given the assignment to write about six things that have impacted our lives I, as usual, was really concerned because I live a “normal” life and nothing dramatic has really happened that has changed my life. As I thought of possible topics for essays, however, I almost had trouble picking only six. I came to the realization that something as small as winning a tennis tournament or seeing an old lady pass out in church can still be extremely influential. I hope that through my sketches, readers have come to know the real Natalie and what has made me the person I am today.

           

           

           

            

ESL Converstaion 6

            For my last conversation with Giovanka, we met at Union Grounds (as per usual). Because of some communication/planning problems throughout the year, we had to have this conversation during dead days so, of course, I was DEAD. We started off by discussing her finals in her classes. She told me that they were really hard and she doesn’t think she did that well, but I can’t imagine her doing poorly in English because she is actually really proficient. For Giovanka’s finals, she barely had to study for some reason. She told me how bored she was all week and how she didn’t know what she was going to do with herself. All I could think of was how much I wish that that was my problem rather than how in the world I was going to cram all of that biology and chemistry into my brain before my tests. She told me that she planned on going shopping, out to eat, to lots of parties, and watching all her favorite TV shows before she left. Although I was unbelievably envious, I was so glad she got to spend her last days in the U.S. just relaxing and having fun.

            My favorite thing to talk to Giovanka about is the culture shocks that she constantly receives while in America. The cultural differences between her upbringing and mine are numerous, but we still seem to see eye to eye on practically everything. It is amazing how cultures can differ so much but people are people and there will be all kinds of people no matter where you are.

Giovanka is leaving for Brazil on Sunday and she is so excited! She said she is sad to leave TCU because she loves all the great friends she has made and the shopping and food in America, but she can’t wait to see her family and her little puppy. As we had our last conversation, we kind of re-capped the semester. We reminisced our first meeting where she was accidentally texting the wrong Natalie in her phone so we couldn’t find each other. We just talked like old friends—telling stories about our semester, talking about highs and lows, and cool things we’ve learned.

As I hugged Giovanka goodbye, I thanked her for being the best conversation partner ever, told her that if she ever needed help studying for her sciences next year to call me, and made her promise to grab lunch with me next semester. All in all, I think that having a conversation partner has been a really good experience. I have really gotten to meet a great girl and have learned a lot of extremely interesting things about life outside America

           

             

ESL Conversation 5

For my fifth conversation with Giovanka, we, as usual, met at Union Grounds. As I began asking her how her day was going, she flat out told me “I am very scared.” She always is very dramatic when she talks, so her “I am very scared” really scared me. I began to ask her what she was scared about and what was going on in her life. She explained to me that she was nervous for her English final because she had just taken a practice test and didn’t do so well on her essay. I asked her what the topic was, what she wrote about, and what made her do so poorly on the exam, and realized that all she needed to do was learn how to make a simple outline.

            I love grammar, organizing, and outlining, so this was right up my ally. I showed her how she needs an introduction, three main points, and a conclusion, helped her learn how to come up with topic sentences, and taught her about a thesis statement. She said that she had already learned all of this in her classes, but that she just wasn’t “getting it.” I wrote it all out for her on a piece of notebook paper so she could use it to practice when she studied, but, in the meantime, we decided to make a game out of it. In this “game” I gave her a question or topic to write an essay about and she had to come up with a thesis statement and three main arguing points and write them as an outline (just number them with roman numerals, pretty much) as fast as she could. I gave her some silly topics, some hard ones, some that I knew she would like and others that I knew she would hate (because that's the true test, if you can write about something you don't care about). We actually had a lot of fun playing this game—she was learning and improving and I love teaching so it was perfect. We ended up playing this game until I had to leave for class.

            Giovanka told me that American writing is much different than writing in Brazil. Ours is a lot more structured, while theirs is a lot more flowy and less structured. This is probably why she was having such a problem making distinct paragraphs. After our meeting, though, I hope that she will be able to ace her final and write a brilliant essay. I know she can do it!

ESL Conversation 4

For my fourth conversation with Giovanka, we went to the BLUU for lunch. It is getting harder and harder to set aside an hour to talk so we figured we’d kill two birds with one stone and eat lunch while we had our conversation. When I was reading someone else’s post (I forgot who) they said that they brought a friend to introduce to their conversation partner to see how they interacted. I really liked that idea so I decided to try the same. Giovanka is the same age as me so I figured we’d just eat lunch with my friends and see how she did.

I was SO impressed with how well Giovanka was able to converse with them, pick up on what they were saying, and even make jokes. This ESL conversation actually took a little 180 turn when Giovanka began teaching us how to speak on Portuguese (all I got was oi, meaning hello). Giovanka’s English has improved so much this semester…she is able to express her emotions so well with her words. She has always been very animated so I have always been able to tell what emotion she is trying to evoke but now her words match her physical animation.

Because she is going to be premed next year at TCU, she asked me for advice on what classes to take. When I thought about it, I couldn’t think of anything that would be easy for her, though. She would have to take biology and chemistry, which are hard for everyone, but unlike me, who found psychology extremely easy, classes like that would be so hard for her to sit through because they’re straight lectures in English with barely any reading. I think when we had this conversation it really hit us both just how hard she was going to have to work next year. She, of course, is totally ready to take this challenge and conquer it.

During our conversation, we also talked about food (naturally). She said that she loves America but all she ever does here is eat. In Brazil, she never felt the need and desire to eat as much as she does here. She has especially fallen in love with America’s cookies (especially the BLUU’s infamous ones). She is determined, however, to get back in shape before she returns to Brazil for the summer. She said that she is excited to go back home but will definitely miss peanut butter and cookies and is contemplating taking a whole suitcase of cookies home with her.

I, once again, really enjoyed my conversation with Giovanka and always look forward to the next one. 

1960's Magazine Article

            As I began my search for a magazine article to write about, I wanted to find a magazine that I am actually interested in and, perhaps, something that read today. Once I came across Vogue magazine, I knew that was the place I was going to begin. I flipped through a September 15, 1964 issue of Vogue and found an article on Jane Asher: an actress, entrepreneur, and long-time girlfriend of Beatle, Paul McCartney.

            The article was entitled British Beauty: The New Confidence That’s Catching. It begins explaining how women of that time (and still in our time, I think) are so obsessed with their looks that they practically do their makeup with a magnifying mirror to make it perfect. It also observed that if women are having a “light-makeup” day, all they do is complain and feel self-conscious.

            Contrary to the norm, the article states that Jane Asher just doesn’t care. When asked to describe her look, she says, “I don’t,” an answer the press is not used to hearing. Unlike many women would act, when she began dating Paul McCartney, her look remained exactly the same. When the article speaks on her looks, it says that it remained “pre-Beatle,” which is very shocking because it would be so easy to change and become society’s perfect celebrity.  She didn’t let the world, the press, or the spotlight change who she really was and Vogue (and I) was thoroughly impressed by that. Asher had long, straight, red hair and wore it with pride, although she looked different than the norm. She even had a short brown wig that she wore just for kicks. Asher wore minimal makeup and was still radiant as anyone.

            I would consider this a coming of age article because it takes a kind of maturity to “go against the grain” and be yourself. She was thrust under the spotlight at 18 as an actress, a very formative time in her life, but didn’t let the views of the world change who she was. She had a good sense of who she was from such a young age and was not about to let that go, just to conform to the norm.

            Coming of age is a step in the forward direction in one’s life which oftentimes takes courage, confidence, and faith. I think that Asher exhibited all of these qualities in her decision to remain true to herself and not let society tell her who she should be. Obviously, based on the praises that Vogue gives her, everyone accepted her uniqueness and admired her ability to be herself in such a tough situation. This article, along with the whole magazine, was so interesting to read and compare to today’s Vogue, where, rather than being praised, women who go against the grain and are seen without makeup are highly criticized.

Conversation 3

For my third conversation with Giovanka, we met at Union Grounds for coffee. She was sitting at a table with a friend of hers, Carmen, a junior from Portugal. They talk to each other, Giovanka in Brazilian and Carmen in Portuguese, so they can learn each other’s languages. I find it very interesting and inspiring how intrigued Giovanka is to learn about everything and anything. She is already learning English, one of the hardest languages to learn, but that’s just not enough for her-she casually decided to pick up Portuguese, too. One thing I’ve noticed about her is her drive to learn. She is SO excited to begin at TCU in the fall and learn biology and chemistry, no matter how hard she hears it is going to be. She is willing to spend day in and day out studying in order to achieve her goal and that’s very inspiring to me. She even writes an essay every single day in English just for her own personal benefit to improve her English. It isn’t an assignment or anything, she is just so driven to succeed and learn English that she has the discipline to take the extra step. I think that, because she is from overseas and has come all the way to America for school, she wants to get as much out of her experience as she can. She wants to be the best student, friend, and person she can be here at TCU.

I began asking Giovanka about her friends at TCU. She has a group of foreign friends that she always hangs out with, along with some American friends that she has made from living in Colby. I asked her which group she likes better and she said she likes them both. She enjoys hanging out with her American friends but she feels as though there is a part of her that they don’t understand because she isn’t from here (like how she kisses people goodbye on the cheek and by no means wants to flirt). She reminds me of my mom when she first moved to America for college; she tried and tried to make American friends but no one understood her culture and homesickness like her other foreign friends did and it made her feel more at home.

We began talking about movies-she saw the newest craze, The Hunger Games, and hated it and I have yet to see it and do not plan on seeing it. She has such a caring heart; she said when all the kids were killing each other (sounds like a weird movie if you ask me) she couldn’t stop crying because she hated it so much. We moved on to the movie This Is War, where we both fell in LOVE with Tom Hardy, one of the movie’s main characters. He’s not your typical American guy- he has an accent and a kind of rugged look. I was very happy that she has such good taste, makes all of our conversations so much more fun. All in all, I enjoyed my conversation with Giovanka. She’s always fun to talk to and always so interested to learn new words and get corrected when she talks.